It's a pandemic!

Weather

Well welcome all! Since my last post the weather has changed dramatically. Texas is bipolar and no offense to anyone. At this current moment it's very windy, but sunny. The sun has gone in and out all day and at times it seemed like it was going to rain. I like the rain, especially if its like pouring cats and dogs and all day, not just stopping here and there. If it stops, then it will get humid and no one likes that feeling around here, but it's Texas after all. I believe it will continue to be like this into the weekend and the new week, so we shall see.

Photography

The last time I posted here about this topic, I had some let downs. Yes, honestly I read my last post and it made me sad in the state of mind I was in. For now my photography hobby is on hiatus. I did have another offer for a wedding, that ironically is within the family and still happening this coming Saturday, but due to the pandemic that is happening in the world I had to ask and say no to it. When I was asked, yes asked, to photograph their wedding, I was ecstatic and jumped on the opportunity to add new photos and experience under my belt and this was back in the beginning of March of when I was asked. When I asked for an update, due to the major world event happening, I was told that it was continuing but with limited people attending and the DJ/music player was able to do the photos as well. My heart did plummet down for all of the news, but I rather be safe than sorry. Hopefully after this madness is over, they might ask me to do other types of photos for them and I wouldn't mind. I have taken other photos during this pandemic time in my house, of product photography for practice, but I feel like I'm just being lazy to not upload and edit them. I also hate how down I was in my last post regarding this topic. So much sadness and internal blame was placed in that post that I never saw how negative I was and didn't flip it into a positive note at all. I do apologize to anyone who read it and just let their heart ache for me and took pity on me. I don't even know if anyone really keeps up with reading this, but this is mainly for me in a therapeutic and venting type of sense and of course to look back at. Speaking of looking back..

COVID-19

This pandemic is just crazy! I really never thought that we or the world would get into this type of state with a virus. We have been through this before, remember Ebola and how everyone panicked about that? I don't remember how long that lasted with everyone, months wise, but this one I think takes the cake. We have ventured out here and there buying to stock up because my husband was in that mode and just want to prepare. No, we weren't one of those people stocking up on toilet paper and cleaners, no. We were the type with veggies, different kinds of meat.. or whatever we can find, and other canned goods. Luckily my mother-in-law has purchased us, in time for this, a mini freezer. We had a larger freezer a while back, but it died and we didn't want to spend an arm and leg in fixing it, so we trashed it. So, by the time this pandemic hit, we were prepared and overstocked of 2 months worth of food. Currently, the state is lifting some closures in wave forms. My husband thinks its dumb and I agree with it. Agreeing because the world/state is not ready, the people are not ready, not just cause he is my husband. I have no reason to venture out, so I just don't and I only venture out with him and not to places that have many people. We actually went 4 weeks in not going into any stores, after stocking up on food and it was at least 2 months since we stepped into our local HEB grocery store. It wasn't till last weekend that we did and it just felt odd, I'm not gonna lie. I just mainly order everything we need through Instacart and it has its successes and misses. I just hope that this simmers down soon and that there's a vaccine that's successful. My husband thinks it may get worse during Flu season and I can understand and see that happening so, we shall see how it all goes. 

The Corner 

So I would like to apologize for my last previous posts here. Both, or so, do sound so negative with whatever topic I was talking about. I have been trying to be a more positive person with myself and with people around me. I'm hoping that the funk, a state a mind my husband may have been going through and I named it that way and only very few people know what I'm talking about with this, has surpassed now. I have been in dark clouds because of the funk with the feeling of walking on eggshells and not screwing up to make it into another factor for the funk to stick around. I also was asking, tons literally, of "what are you feeling/thinking" type of questions and I know it was an annoyance, but since I realized all this, I have stepped back and also simmered down on it. Even though its common sense to appreciate and admire an individual since getting together with them or just on a daily basis type of thing, not everyone realizes this until somewhere down the line or your life. I had my moment of both and it felt as if a blindfold was taken away from my eyes. Why till now you may ask? I have no clue, but once I did I just felt horrible not realizing it sooner than later. All in all, I love my husband and it's okay to make mistakes, you are human and no human is perfect and at least you realize whatever you needed to realize. I'm expanding my skills and positiveness to learning new things. I have ventured into learning to make some of my parent's recipes and cooking them up. I have 3 more recipes that I need to figure out in how to make and already tried with success with 2 of them. I knew I needed a way to learn to cook and not let my husband take all the burden of cooking. He loves to cook, so I don't want to take it away from him since its therapeutic for him, but I know I had to help somehow in this department and I do help him when he does cook, always have helped. Another thing I did for myself as well is to take some over the counter medication for my self diagnosed PMDD condition. Self diagnosed because I knew I was going through something I never experienced before, I have no insurance, and I knew I was going through it during that "nice" time of the month moment. I started to take pills that balance my hormones and relief them and they're called "Go with the Flow". So far I have been taking them for like a week and a half and I feel like I am more positive and I do have my moments of going into the darkness mode or ideas, but I just try to fight those. I only take one pill and I just may continue to do so. 

I do have my moments of thinking negatively and they just disappear. I hate when I get them because I know its something not true and I just continue to do me and whatever else I was doing. I just want to try to keep my husband stress and worry free and I don't want to burden him with other small childish like things. He does tend to ask me the same question I used to pester him with, but that's only because he sees me in a trance of staring into nothingness and at times it is nothing that I'm thinking about and other times it is the negative thoughts that I know mean nothing. Another thing I have done for myself is forgiven events or people that I needed to forgive. I made a list and want to just burn it when I have the chance since I need to forgive and forget. I may burn it when I have the chance which is when this pandemic is over and we can finally and officially celebrate! I already started to drive as well and some of my fear of it is going away, so I'm proud of myself for that. My husband has been proud of me in anything I have conquered and tried, like driving and cooking.I'm glad he is and I always know he will be with anything I do. Another thing we both finally conquered together is buy land. It was a goal to buy the land by his mom's house and that dream has finally happened. We will add a photo of it once the "Sold" sign is up on the property. Our next goal and mission is to lease our house and find a way to save up for a house to move into the property. Baby steps, but it will happen and he is predicting for us to officially move into that property within 2 years, but we shall see with his family. His family is on a mission to help us in any way possible and I am very grateful for that! Actions do speak louder than words and I need to keep that advice that a great find provided me through my darkness. I feel like I need to apologize to that friend and hopefully with my absence I given between ourselves that our friendship wasn't tarnished nor broken because of my crazy self sabotaging mind that I have. I'll speak to that friend in another week and hope nothing killed our friendship. My mind is crazy and a good example is today. I went from reading an email that told me that I didn't get the job to hating the company and knowing that they don't deserve me and motivated me to get off my seat and work on my resume and apply to another job. I just wish my mind did this with other thoughts I get in it or events. Well, that's all the updates I have so far. So stay positive, be safe and stay home if you can!